


Old Enough to Know I'll End Up Dying (Not Young Enough to Forget Again)

by Wildspringflower06



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: M/M, and they really just need to have a fricking conversation, buck is oblivious, buddie, but like, in which eddie is an idiot, it takes a while, lots of pining ensues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2020-12-14 06:29:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21011291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wildspringflower06/pseuds/Wildspringflower06
Summary: After the tsunami Eddie isn't dealing with it as well as he wants Buck to believe. Lena gives him an outlet. Too bad it results in a serious brain injury.He stared at Eddie for a moment longer, taking it all in: the closed eyes, bandage around his head, chest rising and falling steadily with the beeping of machines. “You’re an idiot.” He whispered, as the first tear of what would probably be many slipped down his face.





	1. I Think You'll be the Death of Me

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this prompt from bemybuddie on tumblr  
So let’s think about eddie- lena kind of dating and lena pushs eddie to street fights? Then eddie Eddie gets a blow to the head. No problem at first. Eddie faints during the next day’s call Then when he opens his eyes he finds himself married to Buck or in a long-term relationship. Buck wakes Eddie with sweet kisses (and a lot of cuddles of course!) But Eddie is completely frozen. Buck doesn’t think he’s awake from sleep yet and doesn’t think about it too much. And then buck goes to make pancakes with Chris while Eddie’s trying to figure out what’s going on. Chris might even be calling buck as pops. Later, Eddie slowly face both his new life and his feelings for buck. In the end it reveals that eddie is in some kind of coma and dreams that life and when he wakes up, he looks for ways to return to his dream life.  
Probably gonna be four parts, obvi buddie is endgame. I'm gonna do my best to fill all parts of the prompt but I know I'm not gonna get them all.

For the first few moments it’s total euphoria, and he can see why people do this for a living. The sweat, the pull of muscles, the constant need to be on alert; it was exhilarating. And then something solid collided with his left temple and his world went black.

He came back to awareness with a bright light shining in his eyes and at least a dozen worried looking people standing over him, the closest aside from the man checking him over, was Lena. It took a moment for him to realize their lips were moving, and a moment longer after that to actual hear what they were saying.

“-ddie, you good?”

“Ugh, what hit me?”

“That would be my fist.” The man he’d been fighting at least looked apologetic, knowing it had been Eddie’s first fight and having promised to take it easy on him.

“Well, ow.” Eddie chuckled, moving to push himself off the ground.

“Woah now, you were just knocked out,” Lena rolled her eyes, pushing against Eddie’s chest lightly, “can you just sit for a second and let our doctor look you over?”

“What’s the verdict doc, am I gonna live?”

The doctor rolled his eyes but seemed pleased as he put his penlight away. “Looks like just a mild concussion. Get some rest tonight, take something for the headache and maybe put some ice on that.”

Eddie turned to Lena and smiled in a way that clearly asked, ‘happy?’

She huffed out a laugh, shaking her head, but extended a hand and helped haul Eddie off the ground. “Let’s call it a night huh?”

“So how bad was that for my first fight?”

“Honestly, you’d be surprised how many people get knocked out their first time. Plus, you lasted longer than most, so you got that going for you.”

Eddie laughed, “I suppose we should call it a night.”

“You good to drive home?”

There was something else there, beneath the surface, and Eddie could tell it wasn’t just a question as to his safety. It was more of an invitation, to do something else with the rest of their evening. And he was tempted, god he was tempted, but he had to get back home, where Christopher was waiting with Buck. 

Thinking of his friend made his stomach do all sorts of weird and uncomfortable flips, but he brushed it off as best he could. “I’m good to go, I’ve gotta get home to my kid.”

Lena nodded, not at all offended. “Another time. Have a good night Diaz.” 

“You too la bombera.” He smiled as he climbed into his car, his head was still pounding but everything else? Everything else felt amazing.

There were still lights on when Eddie pulled into his driveway, careful to leave enough room for Buck to back out. He climbed the steps quickly, keys jingling as he unlocked the door. He could hear voices coming from further inside, and he followed them to Christopher’s room, the sight making his heart warm.

Chris was laying under his covers, smiling and giggling as Buck knelt on the ground in front of him, acting out some sort of story involving a stuffed t-rex, a G.I Joe, the blue power ranger, and the lego Spiderman hanging suspended from a lego tower.

“Oh no!” Buck shouted softly, making an exaggerated chomping noise as the t-rex swooped down and apparently ate the G.I Joe. 

“That’s not what happens!” Christopher cried, smiling.

“It isn’t?”

“No!”

“Well then what does happen?”

Christopher paused for a moment, grabbing something under the sheets, “He gets saved by Wolverine!”

Buck looked around in confusion, scratching at his head, “I don’t _see_ Wolverine.”

“He’s right here!” Christopher shouted, pulling his Wolverine action figure out from under his blanket.

“Woah!” Buck cried, “And it’s a sneak attack from Wolverine, oh no what is the t-rex gonna do!”

Christopher double over laughing and if Eddie’s heart hadn’t already been full it certainly was then. “Now what’s going on in here?” He asked in a playfully stern tone.

“Daddy!” Christopher looked up and his smile grew impossibly larger.

“Hey buddy!” Eddie ran into the room and bent down, pulling Chris into a tight hug, “How was your day?”

Christopher’s head fell back, and he thought for a moment, “Good, Buck and I saved the world!”

“Oh, did you now?”

Buck chuckled, standing and sticking his hands in his pocket as he watched the two of them interact. “More like the backyard.”

“It was being attacked by pirates.”

Eddie pulled back, holding Chris at arms’ length, “I thought you liked pirates.”

“I do, the good ones!” He laughed.

“Oh of course, what was I thinking? Alright, time for bed huh?”

Chris sighed, looking down at where their story had been abruptly paused. “Okay. Buck? Can we finish the story tomorrow?”

“Absolutely buddy!” Buck said, not even having to ask Eddie if it would be okay, already knowing the man worked again the next day.

Chris pulled away from his dad and held out his arms expectantly, waiting for Buck to hug him goodnight as per usual. Buck, never one to disappoint, bent down and wrapped his arms gently around Christopher’s small frame. “Goodnight buddy.”

“Goodnight kid.” Chris whispered, stifling a yawn.

“Night Chris, I love you.” Eddie bent over, kissing his sons’ forehead before following Buck towards the door.

“Love you daddy.”

Pausing at the door Eddie smiled as he looked at the bed, waiting for Christopher to situate himself comfortably before flipping the light off and pulling the door mostly closed behind him. 

Buck turned to him, smile on his face and something funny to say no doubt when his entire demeanor changed, “Woah Eddie, what happened are you okay?”

Eddie stopped in confusion before recognition dawned, he was probably bruised from the fight. He hadn’t even had a chance to look at it, he really hoped it wasn’t too bad. “Oh yeah, fine just um, little mishap at work.”

“Okay.” Buck was staring at him, watching him closely, almost like he didn’t believe Eddie but didn’t want to call him out either. “Well, I can be over again tomorrow, around noon, right?”

Eddie blinked in surprise, butterflies fluttering in his stomach at the fact that Buck knew his schedule. He shoved them down quickly however and nodded instead. Except that motion made the world spin a little, so he quickly stopped. “Yeah, noon is great.”

Buck was staring at him again, worry clearly shining in his eyes. “You sure you’re okay?”

“Positive, wouldn’t be home if I weren’t. Now you should get some sleep, I assume you’ll have your hands full again tomorrow.”

“Yeah that kid is never short on energy.”

“I know it’s obscene.” Eddie responded immediately, and the two of them laughed, the sound tapering off awkwardly. And Eddie had to wonder when there started to be tension between them; or maybe he was the only one feeling it.

Buck sniffed, smiling softly and looking up at Eddie through his eyelashes.

The sight was so beautiful Eddie’s heart almost leapt right out of his chest; and wouldn’t that have been embarrassing. He must have gotten hit harder than he realized, normally he was able to control those types of thoughts, knowing nothing would ever- _could_ ever- come of it. He cleared his throat, “Well, it’s been a long day I should,” he gestured vaguely over his shoulder.

“Right.” Buck nodded, “Have a good night Eddie.”

“Yeah you too.” Eddie practically whispered, watching and, definitely not admiring the view, as Buck let himself out. Once the coast was clear he let himself collapse against the counter with a sigh, head hanging, and eyes closed.

“You should just tell him already.”

The sudden voice nearly gave Eddie a heart attack and he turned around to see Christopher standing in the doorway of the kitchen. “What are you doing out of bed?” He demanded good-naturedly.

Chris shrugged innocently, “I was thirsty.”

“Course you were, get some water and then get your butt in bed you little stinker.”

“I’m going.” Christopher said, smiling up at him in a way that bode of far too much knowledge. “But you should tell him.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“That you like Bu-”

“Bed!” Eddie said loudly, hating how much his ears were burning. 

Christopher just giggled, walking off slowly to his room, cup of water balanced in one hand. 

Eddie sighed heavily, if he hadn’t needed Tylenol before he certainly did now. He did not need to think about the implications of his son giving him advice on his love life.

Buck groaned as his head flopped to land against his steering wheel. He knew his crush on Eddie was getting out of hand, he just didn’t know what to do. Maddie would say that he should just tell him already, _“nothing can happen if you do nothing.”_. But it wasn’t like that was even remotely an option. Eddie definitely wasn’t interested, and he really couldn’t do anything to mess up what they already had. Because even if he couldn’t be with Eddie in the way he really wanted, he knew he needed Eddie in his life in some capacity. And confessing unrequited love was a sure-fire way to get him full scale ejected from Eddie’s life.

He waited for the light in the living room to flip off before starting his car and pulling out of the driveway. He was just thankful that when he got home, he was able to fall asleep relatively quickly, even if it was on the couch with his tv providing a wonderful distracting background noise to his otherwise loud thoughts.

The next day started off as normal as they all did, no dark rain clouds or impending sense of doom. Just a quick flash of a smile goodbye and a shout of “love you” out the door before Buck was left alone in the house with Christopher.

“Well bud, what do you feel like doing today?”

Christopher thought on it for a moment, before his face lit up, “Ice cream!”

Buck chuckled with a shake of his head; he was glad he wasn’t the kid’s dad because he couldn’t say no to anything that child wanted. “Ice cream it is.”

Christopher was sitting in front of the tv, enjoying the ice cream they’d gotten to go, while Buck was cleaning up from lunch in the kitchen. His phone started ringing, vibrating from its place on the countertop, and he quickly dried his hands and went to grab it. He glanced up at Chris quickly, smiling when the kid shouted something about going the other way at the tv, before answering. “Hey Bobby, what’s-”

Bobby cut him off quickly, his words making Buck’s heart come to a jarring halt. “Buck listen, Eddie collapsed at work today, he’s in the hospital right now getting looked at but we don’t know what the problem is.”

Buck felt like there wasn’t air to breathe, “What?” he croaked. 

“Yeah, I just wanted to let you know and, I don’t know if you want to bring Christopher or-”

“No!” Buck said quickly, nervously checking to make sure Chris’ attention was still drawn to the tv before stepping into the laundry room. “No, I-I don’t, he doesn’t need to be there yet. Um, let’s just, find out what’s wrong first. He’s had so much happen recently, he doesn’t need to get freaked out if it’s nothing.”

“Okay,” Bobby agreed readily, and that made Buck’s heart swell in gratitude. “Are you coming?”

“Uh, I can uh, I can give Carla a call, see if she’s available. I’ll text you when I find out. Just, please keep me updated?”

“Of course.”

“‘Kay thanks, talk to you soon.” Buck sighed heavily, noticing for the first time how badly his hands were shaking. “Oh shit.” He breathed.

Christopher was sitting exactly where Buck had left him, smiling and laughing, not a worry in the world. Buck hated himself for what he was about to do but he couldn’t just not tell Chris his dad was hurt.

“Hey kiddo,” Buck swallowed, he put the tv on mute and steeled himself for what was probably going to be one of the hardest conversations of his life.

Chris picked up on the shift in tone immediately, “What’s wrong Buck?”

“Look um, buddy, your daddy he’s, well he’s a little hurt. And um, our friends had to take him to the hospital.”

“We go see him?” Chris asked immediately.

“Um, I’m going to see if Carla can come over and watch you for a bit, while I go to the hospital.”

“But I wanna see daddy.”

“I know you do. I promise you can see him, just-just not right this second okay?”

Chris paused, his voice small and quivering, “Is daddy going to the same place as mommy?”

Buck’s heart shattered and he had to physically hold back a sob, because the truth was, he didn’t even know. Bobby hadn’t been specific, but he’d sounded rattled. “No, no buddy of course not. Your daddy, well I don’t know if you know this, but your daddy is one strong guy.”

“Like you?” Christopher asked, tone lifting a little.

“Nah, even stronger.” Buck whispered, blinking back tears.

“Who?”

Buck smiled, the action painful, “You.”

Buck was at the hospital a little over thirty minutes later rushing in and finding the team sitting in the waiting room. “Hey, what’s going on any news?”

Bobby was on his feet in a second, hands gently gripping Buck’s shoulders, “Hey buddy, calm down, we don’t have any news yet. Just breathe okay?”

Buck nodded, doing his best to keep his panic at bay. “What happened?”

“He just collapsed, no warning or anything.” Hen supplied, an untouched cup of coffee sitting on the table next to her. 

“I mean, did it have to do with how he got hurt yesterday?”

Bobby crossed his arms over his chest, “How _did_ he get hurt yesterday?”

Buck blinked, “What do you mean, he told me he got hurt at work.” Buck swallowed, “He _did_ get hurt at work, right?” He asked, but his teams silence was already answer enough. Eddie had lied.

The realization smacked Buck like a train. He couldn’t think of a reason that Eddie would lie to him, it didn’t make sense.

“It wasn’t that bad.”

The soft murmur had Buck’s attention zeroing in on a woman he hadn’t noticed before, sitting in the corner chair in the same firefighter uniform as the rest of his team.

“What wasn’t that bad?” Bobby asked.

The woman sighed, “He got smacked in the head pretty good last night but-”

“What?” Buck interrupted, “What was he doing?”

“I took him to a small street fighting ring I’m in.”

Buck blinked; certain he’d heard wrong. “You made him do what?”

“Hey, I didn’t_ make _him do anything, he wanted to.” The woman shot back defensively. 

“Wh- who even are you, why are you here?”

“Lena Bosko, and I’m here cause I’m worried about my teammate.”

Buck was getting pretty sick of having curveballs thrown at him, and he could only turn to Bobby in hurt confusion at the new knowledge.

Bobby sighed, “It’s only a temporary thing, her team is a little displaced right now cause of the tsunami and you’re not ready to come back to work yet Buck.”

Lena paused, looking him up and down, “So you’re the infamous Buck.”

“What of it?” Buck said sharply, not liking the way she was glowering at him.

She shrugged nonchalantly, “Nothing, just not how I was picturing the guy who lost Eddie’s kid in the tsunami to look.”

Buck saw red, “What did you just say?” He snarled.

“Woah, okay how about we calm down.” Chim said, stepping in front of Buck as he took a threatening step forward.

“Bosko, that is enough, I want you to go cool off.”

“But Cap-”

“I will text you with an update when we have one for now take a walk.” Bobby’s voice left no room for question.

Lena scoffed, glaring daggers at Buck as she stalked out of the room, the eyes of the remaining 118 following her as she went.

Only once she was out of sight around the corner did Chimney release Buck’s shoulder from his hold. “Sorry Buckaroo.” He whispered.

Buck wasn’t quite sure what he was apologizing for, but he appreciated it all the same.

“Hey Buck, I’m gonna talk to her okay? She doesn’t get to speak to you that way.”

Buck nodded, “It’s okay Bobby.” He followed Chim’s guiding hands into a chair and leaned into Hen’s offered arm.

She rubbed her hand across his back, “He’s gonna be okay Buck.”

Buck smiled up at her weakly; he really wanted to believe her, but he just couldn’t shake the fact that she didn’t actually know.

It was another hour at least before the doctor came out, he told the team all sorts of information that Buck simply wasn’t able to process, he knew they’d tell him the important bits later. All he really got was that Eddie was alive but unconscious, and they would be able to see him.

The room wasn’t anything special, once you’d been in enough hospital rooms, they all looked the same. But Buck hadn’t been quite prepared for how quiet it would be. Aside from the machines, and there were too many of them doing things he didn’t even know and that on its own was enough to terrify him, Eddie was silent. And so still. Buck had to wonder if this was what it had been like for the others when he’d been in the hospital.

Hen gripped his right hand in her own, Chim slipping his fingers through his other, and Bobby placed a warm hand against his shoulder. The flood of support was overwhelming, and he found himself biting back tears. 

He stared at Eddie for a moment longer, taking it all in: the closed eyes, bandage around his head, chest rising and falling steadily with the beeping of machines. “You’re an idiot.” He whispered, as the first tear of what would probably be many slipped down his face.


	2. My Mind is a Cage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for you patience, I wanted to get this out before tonight's episode, but alas life was busy and did not cooperate. But here is chapter two! I really hope it delivers on all the adorable Buddie feels! Let me know what you think, and I will try my best to get chapter three up soon! (Chapter three is going to shed some light on why Eddie was fighting in the first place)

The sun was warm, if not a little bright in his eyes, but the comfort of his bed was enough to ignore that one little annoyance. He stretched with a long sigh, arms reaching high above his head before splaying out to either side, where his fingers brushed against the unfamiliar tousle of a head full of hair.

Eddie’s eyes snapped open, darting over to the other side of the bed. If he hadn’t been freaking out so bad, he might have almost considered how comically wide his eyes were, because laying in bed flat on his stomach, sound asleep next to him, was Buck.

Maybe it was the sudden tension in the air, or maybe how quickly he had moved, but a moment later Buck was sighing and slowly peeling his eyes open, still heavy-lidded with sleep. He stretched his arms out underneath the pillow in front of him, in a way that reminded Eddie of a cat, and smiled up at him. “Morning.”

And even though Eddie had no idea what was going on, and he was internally freaking out, he still had a heart stopping moment of just staring in wonder at how beautiful the man before him was, with the warm amber glow highlighting his muscular shoulders and reflecting off his eyelashes. It was mesmerizing. 

“Ed? You good?” Buck asked as he gained more awareness.

Eddie swallowed, and sighed, glancing around the room nervously. “This is gonna sound crazy.”

Buck just chuckled, propping himself up on his elbows, “No big deal, you sound crazy at least once a day.” He jested with a wink.

“Well, this might be actually crazy. Like, hospital levels crazy.” Eddie sighed once more, “I don’t remember last night.”

Buck’s eyebrows dove towards the ground, “We didn’t even drink that much, honey are you feeling okay?” 

Any levels of joking they’d had before disappeared as genuine concern took over. Buck sat up and reached his hand out, pressing the back of it to Eddie’s forehead. Eddie caught a flash of a ring in the rising sunlight, and suddenly became overtly aware of the weight of a ring on his own finger as well.

“We’re married.” He breathed. It felt strange, it was something he knew, deep down, but the memories were clouded and hazy. It was like he was grasping at straws trying to remember them.

“Have been for a while babe. You didn’t hit your head, did you?”

“No, I just, wow. I think I had a really weird dream last night.”

Buck snorted and sat back, satisfied with the conclusion that his husband wasn’t concussed. “Must’ve been some dream if you woke up and couldn’t even remember we were married.”

“That’s what’s so weird about it. It felt so real.” Eddie mused, mostly to himself. “Maybe it was because it was basically real life. Like just a dream about the firehouse and stuff.”

“What happened in this dream about the firehouse and stuff?” Buck asked with a coy smile.

Eddie couldn’t quite tell if he was actually curious or if he was just poking fun at him, either way the smile lit his insides on fire and any doubt or confusion he’d been feeling vanished entirely. No way could he love this man so much and not be married. “Nothing really, that’s why it’s strange. It wasn’t like we were on some call or anything. We were just, at work. I remember you weren’t there, I think you were with Christopher? Oh well, it’s not like it’s important.”

Buck shrugged, “True.” He said simply, before extracting himself from the blankets and hopping out of bed. “Gotta pee.” He said by way of explanation, before leaning over and pecking a chaste kiss to Eddie’s lips.

That one small action nearly had Eddie swooning and even though they’d been married for almost a year the first thought to go through his head was _‘I could get used to this’_. 

After the bathroom had been used and teeth had sufficiently been brushed, the two headed into the kitchen to start on breakfast. Buck had thrown on a baggy firehouse t-shirt, much to Eddie’s hidden dismay, but he figured he had the rest of his life to see his husband shirtless. He could survive the rest of the morning with him fully clothed.

“Eggs?” Buck called, already digging through the fridge.

Eddie barked out a laugh. “Is that all Bobby taught you to make?” 

“We got busy. Besides, you love when I make eggs!” Buck defended, although his cheeks still colored slightly.

“I like your eggs daddy.” A sleepy voice called from the doorway.

Eddie and Buck both turned to see their son, still clad in his long pajamas, standing and looking up at them, left hand rubbing at his eye. 

“I know you do!” Buck called, running over and scooping Christopher off the ground, the two of them giggling as they spun around in a circle. “I think we gotta knock some sense into dad over there.” Buck whispered, clearly aware that Eddie could still hear them if the smirk on his lips was anything to go by.

Chris nodded vigorously, “I concur.”

Eddie shook his head, hands on his hips in exaggerated disbelief. “Well, if that’s the way it’s gonna be.” 

Buck watched him cross the kitchen with wide eyes, “What’re you doing?”

“Retaliating.” Eddie grinned, before reaching into the ice box and grabbing a handful of ice cubes.

“Oh no.” Buck called, already starting to back away slowly. “Don’t even think about it.”

“Oh, I’m doing more than thinking about it.”

The three stopped for a moment, Chris and Buck eyeing Eddie cautiously. Then Eddie surged forward, and Buck took off running, Christopher squealing in his arms.

“He’s getting closer!” Chris yelled.

Buck glanced over his shoulder, grinning when he saw his husband closing distance. He turned around quickly, hefting Christopher in his arms. “Sorry buddy, sacrifices have to be made. Every man for himself.” 

Eddie slowed just a little, rolling his eyes at the wink Buck sent him, but nodded his head softly anyway.

“No, Bucky no!” Chris cried out, smile on his face the entire time, before he squealed as he was launched directly into Eddie’s waiting arms.

“Oof! I got ya buddy.” Eddie said, easily repositioning Chris in his grasp. “He just gave you up. Are you gonna stand for that?”

“No!” Christopher held out an open palm, “Ice me!”

Eddie laughed, and it took a little finagling to get a handful of ice cubes to Chris while also not dropping him, but they managed and were soon back on the hunt.

“Oh no!” Buck yelled, leading the chase into the living room before slowing down just enough for Chris to catch up and shove his arsenal of ice down the back of Buck’s shirt. “Aaaaah nooooooooo!” Buck fell to the ground dramatically, arching his back to escape the cold.

Christopher was laughing the whole time as Eddie helped to tackle Buck to the floor, and the three of them wound up in a heap on the carpet, all trying to catch their breath past the giggling. 

The household was just beginning to settle down, when Christopher sighed and rested his head against Buck’s chest, still wrapped tightly in one of Eddie’s arms, the other having to be sacrificed in favor of supporting them. He liked laying literally on top of his husband, but he also didn’t want to actively squish the life out of their son.

“I love breakfast since getting two dads.” Chris said happily. 

Eddie met Buck’s eyes over Christopher’s mop of curls, and they just laid there and stared at one another for a second. Buck still had a hint of a smile on his face, and Eddie had never felt luckier than he did at that very moment. He leaned down, and gently brushed a kiss against his soft lips. Buck’s hand found the back of his neck and pulled Eddie down, deepening the kiss.

“Ewwwww!” Chris cried, breaking the two of them apart and snapping them back to reality.

Buck laughed, his head falling back against the carpet. Eddie felt a laugh start to bubble in his chest and before he knew it, he was chuckling too, shaking his head in fond exasperation. “Sorry bud, we’ll stop.”

“You can kiss later, after Bucky has made his eggs!”

“It is breakfast time.” Buck reminded with a knowing smirk.

“Maybe I had a different breakfast in mind.” Eddie said before he could stop himself, and although he took great pleasure in the deep red that now encompassed Buck’s face, he couldn't ignore the burning of his own ears.

Christopher looked between the two of them, clearly aware he was missing something. “What do you want dad?” He asked innocently.

Buck snorted and quickly stifled his laughter with a cough, shoving Eddie gently off him so he could get up and start on breakfast for the whole family.

“Toast!” Eddie blurted in panic, glaring at the back of Buck’s shaking head as he abandoned him to try and salvage this awkward conversation on his own.

Christopher studied him a moment, gears turning in his head. Finally satisfied with whatever conclusion he came to Chris shrugged, “You can have toast with the eggs.”

It was a little over an hour later and Christopher was watching cartoons in the living room while Eddie and Buck cleaned up from breakfast. Buck stood in front of the sink, washing dishes and handing them off to Eddie to be rinsed and set to dry in the rack. They would have used the dishwasher but washing the dishes by hand was something that they just weren’t quite ready to give up yet, a tender and domestic moment that they both loved sharing too much to forgo in favor of technology.

“I cannot believe you said that in front of your son.” Buck said with a shake of his head, laughing softly. 

“I can’t believe you kissed me like that in front of yours.” Eddie snapped back, no heat behind his words. He also loved taking any chance to remind Buck of the fact that Christopher thought of him as a second father; it was an insecurity Buck had shared with Eddie late one evening after they’d first gotten married. That he could be Eddie’s husband and live in their house but never actually be a dad to Christopher. 

_“That kid looks at you like you hung the stars Buck, and let’s be real here, he’s thought of you as a second dad for far longer than we’ve even been together.”_ He’d whispered tenderly, and he would never forget the look on Buck’s face right before he’d started crying.

Since that night Christopher had switched between calling him Buck and calling him dad, and while Buck knew he’d always be _“his Buck”_, Eddie knew he lived for the moments when Christopher called him dad.

“Oh hey, Bobby and Athena want to have us over for dinner.” Buck said, breaking Eddie out of his reverie. 

“Did they say when?”

“Just soon, so probably tomorrow night knowing them.”

Eddie laughed, drying his hands off as they finished up the rest of the dishes. “Yeah. That’ll be nice though, it’s been a while since we’ve gotten together like that.”

“Yeah, work has been so crazy lately.” Buck stepped forward, eyes darting down to Eddie’s lips, which was really all the invitation Eddie needed to resume where they’d been before Chris had interrupted them in the living room.

Eddie’s eyes were closed, hands running up underneath Buck’s shirt and pushing him back into the counter. Buck’s hands ran through his hair, and Eddie was glad he hadn’t styled it for the day because it was certainly a mess now. Not that he minded.

Buck’s hips brushed against his, and Eddie’s knees almost went weak right then and there. But instead he moved his hands out from where they’d been caressing Buck’s abs to his thighs instead. He ran them all down the back of his legs and slid them back up to squeeze his butt through his sweatpants. 

Buck’s grip went from his hair to his shoulders, nails digging into Eddie’s skin, not uncomfortably. One more deep kiss and Eddie was pulling Buck off the ground and forcing him onto the counter, pushing the newly washed dishes out of the way. Buck was breathing heavily, and he leaned his head back eagerly as Eddie began to pepper other places of his body with kisses. He nipped at Buck’s collarbone, and the moan it elicited made excitement bubble in the pit of Eddie’s stomach. 

His hands had just found the waistband of Buck’s pants when their steady progress was halted, being clasped firmly in Buck’s own. He was panting, cheeks flushed and eyes shining, “Our son’s in the other room.” He whispered. 

Eddie chuckled, head falling to rest against Buck’s shoulder. “You really know how to kill the mood.”

“Well, I know he’s taken this whole ‘two dads’ thing in stride, but I’d really rather not scar him for life.”

“Yeah okay.” Eddie agreed with a long withering sigh. Just because he could concede that Buck was right didn’t mean he had to like it. He was still resting his head against Buck’s body, enjoying the warmth and the relaxing feel of Buck’s fingers running up and down his back. Even if Chris walked in on them then, a little PDA had never hurt anyone.

“Hey,” Buck whispered, his voice sounding weirdly disjointed.

“Hm?” Eddie inclined his head.

“You need to wake up.”

Eddie pulled back, eyebrows furrowed, “What?”

Buck glanced down at him, “What what?”

“Did you just-I thought you said something.”

Buck shook his head, eyes softening with concern, “No, baby you sure you’re okay?”

Eddie sighed, blinking a couple times and shaking his head. “Yeah, must just be tired or something. Come here you.” He pulled Buck into one more kiss before hoisting him off the couch and carrying him into the living room, they had some cartoons to watch. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eddie was happy to have the entire day just to themselves, especially with how nice of a day it was. The sun was shining and there was a light breeze to offset the mid-summer heat. The trio were out taking a walk near the park, they all enjoyed getting outside, but the open water still made Buck a little nervous. Eddie had been immensely relieved that once Christopher’s nightmares subsided, he was less scared to go near the ocean, but he didn’t want to push Evan before he was ready, knowing how terrifying of an ordeal the tsunami had been for him. They both avoided the still under construction pier with adamant fervor, not that Eddie could blame them for that. Getting over their fear of the water was one thing but going back to the place where they’d faced a terrifying watery grave was another thing entirely.

“I have a question.” Christopher said as he was swung gently by his arms, Eddie and Buck holding him on either side.

“What’s that bud?” Eddie asked.

“What happens to the sand creatures when it’s winter?”

“Sand creatures?” Buck’s nose scrunched up in confusion.

“Yeah,” Christopher responded immediately, “the little creatures that live in the sand on the beach. Don’t they get cold in the winter?”

Buck chuckled in surprise, “How did you get so smart?”

“Reading.” Christopher responded immediately, making both his dads laugh. “I love you daddy.”

“I love you too Chris.”

Christopher paused and looked up at Eddie, “I didn’t say anything.”

Eddie blinked, “You didn’t just-”

“I do love you though!” 

Eddie paused, a weird feeling settling into the pit of his stomach. Buck handed Chris his crutches, and bent down with a smile, “What do ya say you head over to the park? Maybe later we can get some ice cream, yeah?”

“Yeah!” Chris yelled happily, heading straight for his favorite swing.

Buck waited for Chris to be out of earshot before turning to Eddie in obvious concern, “Baby what is going on?”

“I don’t know, it’s like I’m hearing things.”

“I know, that’s the second time today. Plus, when you woke up this morning.” 

“It’s just so weird, I mean, I heard Christopher clear as day.”

Buck shook his head, “He didn’t say anything.”

“Probably just tired.” Eddie said, almost trying to reassure himself as much as he was Buck. His husband stepped forward and wrapped him in a tight hug, Eddie’s face easily fitting in the crook of his neck.

“I need you to be okay.”

“I’m fine.” Eddie whispered, although he was a little terrified, he was responding to something that hadn’t even been spoken out loud.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been a relatively long day, even if it was uneventful. Eddie had been a little hesitant to respond unless he was talking face to face for fear of responding to something that hadn’t actually been said. Again.

He just couldn’t understand what was happening, or why. He didn’t feel particularly tired, despite his go-to excuse. His head wasn’t hurting, he didn’t feel feverish. From the outside it didn’t seem like there should be any reason for him to be hearing things.

What was even stranger was it seemed to have really only happened with Buck and Christopher, no random strangers on the street or anything.

Still, he did his best to ignore it and just enjoy his day. He didn’t have unlimited time with his two favorite men, Eddie sure as hell wasn’t gonna let a couple weird occurrences get in the way of that.

And relatively speaking they had a phenomenal day. The park was gorgeous, and the picnic they’d packed for lunch was delicious.

Christopher had refused to let the idea of ice cream go, so they did end up stopping by a local ice cream shop, all three of them getting something fun and new so they could try each other’s flavors.

All in all, it was one of the best days Eddie’d had in a while. He couldn’t put his finger on why he’d been so stressed recently, but he knew a relaxing day with his boys had been just what the doctor ordered. Plus, they got to stay up and watch a movie, it was the weekend so no school for Christopher, and he and Buck both worked the afternoon shift.

“So, what movie are we watching tonight?” Buck asked, collapsing onto the couch with a contented sigh, fingers immediately intertwining with Eddie’s.

“Nemo!” Christopher suggested with barely a second thought.

“Again?” Eddie chuckled, “We just watched that one kiddo.”

“Again!” Chris cried.

Buck shook his head, laughing at the child’s antics, “What about the one with all the dragons?” He asked instead, hoping that sounded appealing. Not that he and Eddie weren’t fans of Finding Nemo, it just got a little repetitive literally watching the same thing every movie night.

“Uh-uh.” Christopher shook his head, before gesturing Buck closer with a wave of his hand, a smirk on his lips.

Buck leaned in and listened to the suggested option whispered into his ear. “Oooh, a classic. But you have to sing along.” Buck said as he pulled back with a grin.

“Only if you sing with me!” Christopher giggled.

“You sir, have yourself a deal!”

Eddie didn’t even regret it as the two screamed loud and off-key the words of “Be a Man” from Mulan, they were too adorable for him to even care about the slight headache pressing against his temples.

Movie complete and teeth all brushed, Eddie pulled the quilt back and climbed into bed, snaking his arms around Buck’s waist and pulling them both to lean back against the headrest. “That kid has got you wrapped around his finger you know.”

Buck shook his head and chuckled lightly, “Hey, at least I got him to switch from the movie with the fish for the millionth time.”

“You and I both know you tear up at the end of Nemo every time we watch it.” Eddie snapped good-naturedly, planting a kiss against Buck’s cheek.

“Yeah yeah, you don’t have to bring that up every time you know. Besides, you’re the one who cries watching Inside Out.”

“It’s a perfectly acceptable movie for an adult to cry in!”

“So is Finding Nemo!”

Eddie pulled back to shoot a snarky response when suddenly icy hot pain like an pickaxe drove through his head, and before he really could process what was happening he was double over, clutching his hair between his fingers and squeezing his eyes shut. He could barley hear the worried gasps of his name that his husband kept calling, the man’s voice growing more and more desperate.

“Ah god, m’head.” He gasped, he could barely think past the pain, but he felt Buck’s firm grip on his shoulder, anchoring him.

“Eddie, baby should I call for an ambulance? What’s going on?” Buck whispered, trying to quell the notes of hysteria.

Eddie hissed, tears leaking from the corners of his eyes, “I don’ know wha’s happening.” He ground out; the pain almost unbearable.

“Eddie?”

He heard Buck call, sounding almost hopeful and so terribly far away. Eddie wasn’t sure why his husband sounded so far off all of a sudden, but he knew he desperately wanted to be next to him, enveloped in his warm arms and kissed against his throbbing temple while whispered promises of everything being okay were brushed past his ear.

“Eddie, come on buddy, open your eyes for me. Please.”

It took a tremendous amount of effort, but finally Eddie’s eyes pried open, blinking at the harsh lighting of an unfamiliar room.

Buck was leaning over the side of the bed he was currently occupying, eyes wide but red rimmed. He looked absolutely exhausted, haggard even, and Eddie was immediately concerned. But also, so terribly confused.

“Wha-?”

Buck practically collapsed against the hospital bed, relief making his insides weak. “Oh, holy shit, Eddie. Oh my god it is good to hear your voice man.”

Eddie swallowed, noting how dry his throat felt, and glanced about his surroundings. A hospital room, he was in a hospital room. “What’s happening?” He tried to speak again, his voice coming out as nothing more than a harsh whisper.

“We can talk about it later okay? I’m gonna go get your doctor.” Buck stopped and just stared at him for a moment longer, so happy and relieved that it was a sight he’d been able to see. He had been terrified for a while that his friend’s eyes were never going to open.

Eddie watched Buck leave, his mind racing to catch up to what was happening. There were so many questions and concerns he had, and many of them were ultimately more pressing than what was currently at the forefront of his brain. But he found he couldn’t bring himself to care what the semantics of the situation were, not when the weight he’d grown so accustomed to feeling on his left hand was no where to be found, his finger void of a ring and his heart racing as he wondered what was actually real. And what was a lie.


	3. It's Torture to Love You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo. Been a while. A week at the longest, remember that promise? Ha. hahaha. Yeeeeeah.  
Anywho, I am so terribly sorry it took so freaking long to update. I promise I still intend to finish this story, I've invested too many feels not to. Life was just a lot for a while, and I mean *a* **LOT**. But I'm doing okay now, still not in a super great place but trying to get there. And I felt like finishing up the chapter that I've had sitting in my docs for freaking ever was a pretty good place to start. The next chapter will hopefully come soon, however I am going to make no promises as to a timetable, as we saw how that turned out last time. *fart noises with a major thumbs down.*  
Alrighty, get readin' kiddos!

He wanted to be angry, he really _really_ wanted to be angry. But there would be a time and a place for anger, the hospital room with Christopher sat atop his lap and gripping his shirt like a lifeline was neither of them.

It had been almost five days, and Buck had scarcely left the hospital room. The others tried to get him to leave, but aside from watching Christopher, Buck had nothing else to do with his time. And he refused to leave Eddie alone. The others still had their job to do, Buck had no obligations, nowhere to be. Except by the side of a hospital bed.

Occasionally Eddie would show signs of stirring, but so far it had all been false hope, little mumbled words, shifting under the bedsheets. He hadn’t actually opened his eyes. And each time Buck felt his spirits drop a little more, his heart sink a little lower. He wasn’t sure how much longer he would be able to stand it, how many more times he’d be able to reassure Christopher that everything was going to be okay.

Day six they decided it was time for Christopher to go back to school; even if he wouldn’t be able to concentrate, sitting in the hospital or at home all day wasn’t doing him any good and he’d already missed too much. Although the staff was being very understanding. Perhaps more understanding than they had a right to be, seeing as how Buck had implied the injury was sustained while Eddie was on the job.

Day nine Bobby had visited the hospital and practically forced Buck to leave, promising he would stay and call him immediately if anything changed. So he and Christopher spent the day playing with Legos and listening to cartoons on the tv. The story they’d started what felt like years ago sat untouched by Christopher’s bed, neither of them having the heart to continue it. Buck thought Christopher was maybe leaving it until Eddie could come home, until things could go back to normal. Whatever the reasoning was, Buck respected the kid’s decision and didn’t push him on it.

The morning of day ten was when Buck felt the last bits of himself shatter. The two of them had fallen asleep on the couch, it wasn’t always the most comfortable place to sleep but it was easier for the both of them if they were together, and Buck didn’t feel comfortable climbing into Eddie’s bed.

Around 4am Christopher woke up crying, as he had almost every night since the incident.

“Hey, hey buddy, it’s okay.” Buck soothed as he attempted to detangle himself from their mass of blankets.

“Excepts it’s no-not, i-is it?” Christopher hiccupped. “W-we don’t even-even know i-i-if daddy’s gonna wa-wake up. Do we?”

Bucks’ breath escaped in one large rush, and he felt like he’d been sucker punched in the solar plexus. Before he could reign his emotions in there were tears streaking down his cheeks. “Hey no, we can’t think like that.” He whispered wetly, pulling Christopher in for a tight embrace.

“What’s gonna happen if daddy doesn’t wake up?” Christopher asked, his voice a little steadier although Buck could still feel tears soaking into his shirt.

Buck bit his lip, “I don’t know.” He said.

Christopher’s grip tightened on his collar, and he sniffled, breath stuttering. “Will- will th-they take m-me away? I don’t wanna le-lea-ave you.”

“No, no baby no.” Buck pulled back, large hands clasping Christopher’s shoulders tightly. He stared into Christopher’s eyes, waiting until Christopher looked back before he spoke again, maybe the most serious he had ever been in his entire life. “No matter what happens they are not taking you away from me. I will never let anyone take you away from me okay? I promise.”

Christopher nodded, ducking back against his chest and hugging him tightly.

Buck sat for a moment, breathing deeply, almost unable to process the conversation they’d just had. It wasn’t right, it shouldn’t have ever had to happen. And again, Buck felt anger boiling in his stomach. With a deep sigh Buck kissed Christopher’s head and squeezed him just a little tighter in his arms, blinking up at the ceiling to try and stop more tears from breaking past the dam.

Normal visiting hours at the hospital didn’t start until 10, but they’d been given special permission to visit whenever they felt the need to, Buck was pretty sure Bobby had done some sweet talking, and Christopher’s puppy-dog eyes had certainly not hindered the process. Still, he figured a full breakfast before they left was a good idea, seeing as how the food at the hospital was hard to stomach on a good day. Needless to say, Buck hadn’t had a good day in quite a while.

Eggs were the easiest thing to make, and the only thing he’d really learned to perfect before Bobby had gotten too busy to continue their cooking lessons, Buck had always meant to ask when they could start them up again, but something always seemed to get in the way.

The sun was just beginning to peak over the horizon when Christopher started pushing his food around on his plate, having only eaten a couple bites.

“Not hungry?” Buck asked.

Christopher just shook his head, staring sadly at the table.

“How about you take a couple more bites and then we’ll head out, sound good?”

Christopher perked up at that, “To the hospital?” He said softly.

“Yeah, but you have to eat a little more food, deal?” Buck felt slightly hypocritical as the last thing he wanted to do was shovel more food into his mouth, but he knew the both of them had to keep their health up for when Eddie was finally better.

“Deal!”

A little over an hour later found the two of them pulling up to the still fairly empty hospital parking lot and given the time of day it wasn’t hard to find a parking spot near the door. Sometimes Buck would grab the handicap pass, but he never liked to leave it in his car. It felt too permanent, less like he was watching Christopher for an extended period of time and more like things were changing. And he was not ready for things to change.

The nurses on their floor were all familiar with them by now, and all adored Christopher, so it was easy to distract him when he saw the doctor standing in Eddie’s room.

“Hey buddy,” Buck whispered, kneeling down so he was closer to the kid’s height. “How about you show Claire your drawings you made real quick.”

Claire gave him a gentle nod before also kneeling by Chris, “I would love to see your drawings buddy!”

Buck stood, mouthed a ‘thank you’ before he jogged over to his friends’ room. “Hey doc, is something wrong?”

Sophia had long brown hair that she always kept pulled back in a bun and smart green eyes that spoke of years of study, she was the best doctor in the hospital for their current predicament, and Buck found he trusted her easily. “No, nothing’s wrong, I was just checking the readouts. You’re here early.”

Buck shrugged sheepishly, “Couldn’t really stay distracted at home.”

“Listen, Buck, I know that this is hard for you. But this isn’t unusual for the type of injury sustained. Right now, just try not to worry. And, if anything changes, you will be the first to know. And we will cross that bridge if we get to it but worrying too much about what-ifs is just going to drive you crazy. Okay?”

Buck nodded, “I’ll try my best.” He smiled weakly.

Sophia gave a sad smile in response, “I’ll see you later.”

Buck watched her leave, his heart filling with warmth as she stopped to say hello to Christopher; he was always amazed with the way that kid could brighten anyone’s day, even when he was living a nightmare.

But his attention quickly turned back to the bed, and all the beeping machines. With his hands in his pockets Buck stepped closer and stared down at the face he was sure he had memorized. “You need to wake up.” He said.

“Hi daddy!” Christopher called from the doorway, announcing himself before he fully made it to the bed. It allowed Buck half a second to wipe away any stray tears and school his features.

“Come here buddy,” Buck hoisted Christopher onto his lap in the chair next to Eddie’s bed, “how about you tell your dad about the pictures you drew?”

Christopher nodded enthusiastically, pulling one drawing out from the small pile he’d brought with. “This one is us, and we’re all playing video games together.” He paused to pull a second picture on top, “And here we’re at the dog park, I know you said we can’t get a dog of our own, so I thought we could go there and just pet some!”

Buck chuckled at that, smiling at the drawing of a little Christopher petting what was potentially a black lab. “That looks really good bud!”

Christopher flashed a grin up at him before moving on to his next drawing. “And this is all of us at the beach. It’s still a little scary to be close to, but I know you like the beach daddy, so I thought I could be brave for you when you wake up and we can all go. As long as Bucky feels safe there too.”

Buck was saved from having to try and force his choked-up throat to function by a knock against the door.

Christopher turned around and smiled broadly, “Carla!” He called happily.

“Hello sweetie, how are you?”

Chris shrugged, “Alright.” He said a little more somberly. The shift made Buck’s heart ache.

“Come here.” Carla leaned down and pulled Chris into a quick hug, before her attention turned to Buck. “And you, how’s my other sweetie?”

Buck shook his head, but the affection made him smile, “I’m okay. Hey buddy, Carla’s gonna take you out for a bit today.” He leaned in closer with a smirk and a wink in the caretaker’s direction, “Don’t tell anyone, but I’m pretty sure you can convince her to buy you ice cream if you ask really nicely.”

The thought at least made Christopher smile a little wider, and he nodded his head before wrapping his arms around Buck’s neck. “We can come back later?” He whispered in Buck’s ear.

“Yeah of course buddy, I’ll be here.” Buck promised, squeezing his arms around the small frame. “Say bye to your dad okay?”

“Can I hug him?”

“Course.” Buck stood and helped Christopher maneuver over to the bed.

It was a little clumsy, but Chris was able to put his arms over Eddie’s chest without touching any of the wires, “I love you daddy.” He said, before allowing Buck to set him on his feet.

It took less than three seconds after he was left alone in the room for Buck to break, broken sobs pulled from his lungs as his cheeks streaked with tears. “God, Eddie I don’t know how much longer I can do this.”

Buck sniffed, covering his eyes with his hands and trying to get his emotions under control. He was just glad he was alone in the room. “Shit.” He cursed with an exhausted sigh. He once again looked at Eddie’s slack face, and barely resisted the urge to brush his fingers along the bruised cheek. “I need you to be okay.” He said, because Buck knew one thing for certain; if Eddie wasn’t okay, he didn’t know if he could ever get over it.

The minutes ticked by one at a time the same way they always did, each one feeling longer than the last. Eventually Buck gave into temptation and laid his head against the slightly scratchy bed sheets he’d grown all too accustomed to during his own extended stays in the hospital. His eyes slipped closed and he was asleep not long after.

He awoke an undetermined amount of time later to a foreign yet strangely familiar sound.

Buck sighed tiredly, blinking the sleep from his eyes and sitting up to glance around the room in search of the source of the noise that had awoken him from his impromptu nap. His heart stuttered to a screeching halt, and all thoughts of sleep vanished immediately as he saw Eddie shifting on the bed.

Buck waited with bated breath for any sign that he wasn’t going crazy, and sure enough a couple seconds later Eddie’s face scrunched up and he groaned. Or maybe it was closer to a grunt. Whatever it was, it was new.

“Eddie?” Buck called, his voice fluttering with nervous excitement.

Eddie’s head shifted towards his voice and Buck felt his hands start to shake, he was getting a little lightheaded.

“Eddie, come on buddy, open your eyes for me.” He licked his lips, praying, “Please.”

The seconds once again felt like they were taking hours to slip by, but in actuality it didn’t take all that long for Buck’s pleas to be heard, and subsequently answered as Eddie forced his heavy eyelids open.

Concern seemed to flash briefly through those eyes as they looked at where Buck was standing over him, but any other emotions were quickly clouded by confusion. “Wha-?”

Buck felt himself sag in relief, a breathless laugh that probably bordered on manic escaping past his lips. “Oh, holy shit, Eddie. Oh my god it is good to hear your voice man.” He sighed.

“What’s happening?”

Eddie’s voice made Buck wince in sympathy, certain it hurt worse to talk than it did for him to hear it. “We can talk about it later okay? I’m gonna go get your doctor.”

And with one last glance and barely contained smile Buck turned and left the room, for the first time feeling a slight lift in his step and the budding hope that maybe, just maybe, things were finally going to be able to settle down for a while. 

If only he knew how wrong he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hooo boy, teaser!! But yeah, sadly things are gonna get worse before they get better for our boys. Stay tuned!  
I adore and appreciate every one of you!!

**Author's Note:**

> I'll try to have the next chapter up ASAP, I have a lot of stuff for school right now so it might be a couple days/a week at the longest probably!


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